Nothing can fill that hole left inside you. Actually, that is the perfect thing to say to someone suffering such an unimaginable loss. After losing my husband and partner of over 40 years it was family and friends who picked me up and got me through the grief. As a non-Christian I would be confused if ,someone close to me, would mention their heavenly father and prayers to him for my sake. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure. That should have read ,to everything there is a season. I am thankful for thoughts and prayers. I do not use past tense. If you want to talk or someone to listen Im always here. That was comforting to me when my 25 year old daughter passed. When someone is hurting, sick, or struggling, we can stand in the gap for them. May the powerful light of healing When I come to the end of the road Thoughts and prayers as useful as a chocolate teapot. Letting them know you are here for them and thinking of them is simple and can go a long way. Getting pampered by professionals can be helpful in the healing process, and can be great for someone who needs a refresh during a rough patch. invocation. Just as your beautiful gift of the heart, it will be the gesture from the heart that is held close. I lost my husband and high school sweetheart of 17 years when we were 34 years old. "Sending love and light" has a profoundly spiritual meaning. I dont think anyone knows what to say and sometimes the words are just a blur during that time. I agree with Peggy, finding someone that can help you to navigate through your grief, and will be able to give you a consistent listening ear we may need. I dont know how we made it except we still feel it and never close a visit without saying I love you. A solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or another deity. So what POSSIBLE reason could there be when a husbands car wont start when he is leaving early for work while his family is still asleep, so he uses his wifes car to jump his but accidentally leaves her car running in their attached garage when he goes to work, only to come home at the end of the to find his whole family dead? When we say to a person,. Say what? Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button. I have lost seven loved ones, both parents, my husband died during during my fathers service even. If it feels right to you, or you think your loved one would appreciate it, you can use Gods Speed in a simple message like the one below. I would rather someone perform an act of kindness without the expectation of even being acknowledged for the action, if possible. Then say nothing. Really?? Sometimes, just saying thank you, doesnt feel like enough. You might want to send a thank-you prayer to let a loved one know how much you appreciate them. I hope this man in his pain will come to know Gods forgiveness and peace. A: Any variation on "I'm so sorry to hear about this, and I'm here for you if you need anything" or "Call me if you need to talk" should work. Thats been 29 years ago. Or you might be non-religious yourself, but still want to express your gratitude, condolences, orget-well-soon wisheswith a prayer. I had never lost a loved one before and joked that the only spirit I knew in heaven was my dog. Cake values integrity and transparency. And lastly, I DO keep everyone suffering from loss in my thoughts and prayers and hope they find some peace. This short poem by Joanna and Karl Fuchs is like a miniature, non-religious prayer for saying, Thank you for being there.. Or, they use that little prayer hands emoticon. - Kris Sep 5, 2014 at 6:08 Show 6 more comments 5 Answers Sorted by: 6 Probably your best word is hope: Unfortunately, during that time, I cant say I remember much. When I lost both of my parents I appreciated those who reached out with their warmth and kindness. NOT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. May every cell in your body I know how much youre hurting and I want to be there to help unless one has lost a child they can never know how much the parent is hurting. Wow I am truly sorry for all you have been through, I hope you find peace in your heart with so much tragedy. Who or what post are you commenting on? The only thing I have found consoling is although I cannot understand your pain, our Heavenly Father can. Dollie Ennis 16 November 2021 Admittedly, even though I believe that "nothing fails like prayer" to actually get anything done, there are personal benefits to the very act of praying itself. Whether thats in a sympathy card, at a funeral or what to say to a loved one after a loss, we aim to provide you with everything you need to make something many of us find so difficult much simpler. Poet July Hebery wrote this thank-you poem, which mentions a higher power but doesnt specify which one. Something I like to do as a Christian is stop and pray for that person/ family/situation right then. Conversations do not need to be an hour long therapy session. If none of the prayers and poems listed above strike your fancy, you can create your own. Youre in my Thoughts and Prayers Alternatives for a Friend, Phrases Instead of Youre in my Thoughts and Prayers for Family Members, Ways to Say Youre in my Thoughts and Prayers to a Coworker, Youre in my Thoughts and Prayers Alternatives for an Acquaintance, Youre in my Thoughts and Prayers Alternatives for Cancer, Facebook Condolence Messages to Share after a Death, Tribute Messages for the Dead: Honoring a Loved Ones Memory, How to Write a Thank You Note to a Minister for Funeral Services (with 5 Examples), How to Write a Thank You Note to a Veterinarian After a Pets Death (with Examples), 70+ Very Short and Simple Sympathy Messages, I will be thinking of you and sending my love, We will miss them more than words can say, They touched our lives and so many others, You arent alone, we are here for you whatever you may need, There is nothing more I can say than how deeply sorry I am, Nothing I can say will ease your pain, but I am forever sorry for losing someone so special, My thoughts are with you in such a difficult time, I am sending prayers your way and hoping you know how much we care, My prayers are with you and your family as you cope with such a heartbreaking loss, I am keeping you in my thoughts and sending you my love, I will always be there for you, no matter what, My heart breaks for you. Yea that's thought provoking and profound. This short poem (author unknown) is a beautiful, non-religious remembrance for a funeral eulogy. The Bible tells us to act from the heart and be a blessing because its in our hearts and not because we expect something in return. Im an ER doctor. You are kind beyond belief; Sally Collins is a writer and the founder and owner of Sympathy Message Ideas. In my belief system God is the alpha and omega and doesnt need more angels. I so agree with actions speak louder than words. I try to stay busy. May they rest in peace, Sending loving hope and thoughts to you and your family, I hope youre coping ok after such an awful loss, May your treasured memories be forever held in your heart, My sincerest condolence for a tragic loss, Wishing you find peace and solace to help you get through, What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. Sending thoughts and prayers can be a really nice choice for some, but sometimes the sentiment lands flat. Anyone can pray, whether youre Christian, Hindu, or atheist. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. HumanistsMN is participating in the nationwide Secular Week of Action from April 30 to May 9. You'll be in my thoughts and my prayers" I feel as an agnostic atheist, I'm not being true to myself by saying that. Support the grieving family by. Create safe spaces. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. 4. This is a very personal one. devotion. What you say or write to someone whilst they are grieving can be powerful and important. I have taken meals / pie to someone just to help out. I wish you the very best. Knowing you have an angel by your side and your Granddaughter is being watched over by her Special Angel hopefully ;is comforting to you. Pinterest. They always told me so much about you. I cry alone. May you be well. Not having him with us is so difficult but I know with all my heart he is in heaven watching over us. form. Sometimes you thank a loved one for a gift, and sometimes you thank them just for being there for you. I want to be left alone. In these "attacks on prayer," Green writes, "any invocation of faith is taken . (?) Whatever you choose Ill be thinking of you. I want to slap anyone who says shes in a better place, God needed another angel in heaven or shes looking down smiling on her kids. Pray does not only have a religious connotation: (from M-W) to hope or wish very much for something to happen to seriously ask (someone) to do something but if you prefer a different expression; give your emotional support to (Country name), may fit the context. I am loving hearing all the stories his co-workers and friends are sharing. Everyone's different. Sometimes you thank a loved one for a gift, and sometimes you thank them just for being there for you. 9. Its been 4 yrs, if I cant find an article of clothing or a pc of jewelry I can finally joke to my other children that my daughter is still borrowing my things without asking. These benefits have been clearly documented by physicians, psychologists and philosophers in countless books over the last few decades. My favorite memory of your loved one is 4. Immediately all over social media, people were sending their thoughts and prayers about the CHURCH shooting. I had tears of sorrow for every stillbirth. The "thoughts and prayers" verbiage became part of our cultural lexicon because people wanted a way to request help and/or care from a mixed audience of religious and non-religious listeners. Im sure the person grieving is not taking pts off for misspelled words. Instagram. I don't hate a lot of things, but cliches are definitely in the Top 5. My niece had passed 6 yrs prior, when my daughter passed my sister wanted to talk about it constantly. I told my friend I know shes gone and it hurts but Im here. (This also makes sure they dont drown their sorrows and drink the whole bottle.). God will be with you every step of the way as well as your Angel. The religious rituals practiced in the Pentecostal sects usually involve faith healing by group prayer and the laying of hands. I have always been at a loss for the perfect thing to say to give comfort and express how heartbroken I feel for their loss. Your help and caring calmed me down, @slope unblocked. Dealing with news of someones passing isnt a skill that comes natural for most people. It shows respect to athests and people with another religion. I want to be able to say instead of you`re in my thoughts and prayers thank you. I am more in control of my emotional react8ons than I was those years ago. And even those that arent can easily be made non-religious by switching a few words around. . It can help them feel less alone, and they will know you care for them and that they can ask you for help if they need it. Western practitioners were less likely to refer patients with non-specific complaints to the alternative practitioner or traditional healer (2/30; 1/30 . It's honest, because I may not think to continue praying for that situation regularly and how often do people say "in my thoughts and prayers" but never actually pray for it? A traditional Tibetan Buddhist prayer,The Four Immeasurablesdoesnt mention any particular deity or religion. Im not really sure what the right thing to say is but please know how much I care. Share it! We find that Christians value thoughts and prayers from religious strangers and priests, while atheists and agnostics are "prayer averse"willing to pay to avoid receiving prayers. You still have her like as if I had a closet full of children that I could just go home and open the door and not be upset anymore. I just say, My heart is with you. And, to my close friends, I give a beautiful little red glass heart. However after reading this and all the responses its seems so complicated that maybe I shouldnt say anything. I cannot imagine the depth of your pain. The person receiving your words will appreciate you taking the time and effort to find something more than just youll be in my thoughts and prayers, and may even take greater comfort from them. I do love it when people write down a memory of her and send it in a card. They can also be agnostic, meaning they accept that we can't know for certain whether. Saying youre in my thoughts and prayers may be overused but that is mainly because its a loving way of expressing sympathy for someones loss. Every year when the anniversary of the death of a loved one rolls around, the bereft may feel like theyre the only one who remembers. So comfort those who have lost their partner with these unique sympathy messages and sayings. Grief is complicated, and no two people grieve in the same way. Mark your calendar 3 months. This is the perfect time to offer to support them and do things for them that can bring even a small amount of joy or reprieve during a difficult time. LinkedIn. Gina, My family also had a year like this. litany. Following through months and even years afterward does so much more. And another mother who lost her husband. Life is filled with many thanks, As the parent of a child who died simply being there and saying Im sorry goes a long way. Whether youre commenting on a social media post, comforting someone in person, or want to say or do something meaningful, there are many different ways to let someone know you are sorry for their loss. of a loved one rolls around, the bereft may feel like theyre the only one who remembers. We will be by your side, I hope the love of family and friends will bring you comfort through such tough times, May the happy memories you have provide some comfort, As you grieve please remember how much you are loved, I will always make time for you if there is anything you need during this tragic time, I wish there was something I could do to help ease the pain, I love you and will be there to support you, Hold on to the memories of your loved one and they will never truly leave you, When someone you love becomes a memory the memory becomes a treasure, Losing a parent is heartbreaking and I am so very sorry, It is cruel to have someone so special taken from us. If a friend or family reached out to you when you werent feeling well, you might want to send them a thank-you note. Thank you, Thank you for so many lovely alternatives. I hope that I will be able to offer my sympathy in a respectful and thoughtful way to others who will share this awful pain. My child was more than a Facebook post. I just need time. 4. It meant a lot to her. William Shakespeare reflected on the value of good company inHenry VIII, creating what amounts to a short thank-you prayer or poem: good company, good wine, good welcome, can make good people.. The overwhelming kindness of well -intentioned wonderful people becomes difficult to distinguish from those near strangers with some kind of morbid curiosity. It is a one size fits all application. Many religions have a prayer that youre supposed to recite before you begin a meal. I am sorry that was what they told you. I care so much about you and am proud of how youre dealing with this. Can be looked at whenever and however many times needed. If you worked with or were close to the person who passed away, it is nice to let their family know how much everyone will miss them. Difficult to comfort people who are grieving. There really arent words to convey true grief. She is lost without him. We each grieve in our own way. One day, you will glance at yourself You might not know who (or what) youre praying to, exactly, and thats OK too. She also lost her son over suicide. I am a Christian and would not feel disrespected because you sent me your condolences without mentioning my heavenly father. Some say it is unhealthy but were all different. Occultism: Western Occult Tradition. If it is the loss of a loved one you give condolences and offer them your help in coping. Some people would grimace at the thought of a hug, so if your friend is one of those people skip ahead! He worked so hard but loved his work, now he is at rest no regrets, married 57 years. Loss is hard. But many of the nonreligious will also include a moment of thanks, as "secular grace" grows in popularity among atheists, humanists, agnostics, freethinkers and other so-called "nones." to someone who is grieving, youll want to make sure your message is appropriate, sensitive, kind, and caring. What could you possibly say to console a parent of unimaginable pain, When I lost my 26 year old daughter to a brain aneurysm, the nicest thing was people sharing their favorite memories and photos of her. I felt as though my heart and soul were being ripped out of my body. Our neighbor lost her husband and my husband and I worked for hours to get up her leaves just because. Luckily, there are several non-religious poems and prayers that can help you offer words of support. I think this is illegal. Fill a basket with candles, healthy snacks, bubble bath, lotions, and other goodies that they can use to practice some self-care and relaxation. In addition to anything else I might say, I tell them I just prayed for you <3." Nothing compares to checking on someone. When in the process of grieving, it can be very hard for people to remember to do things to take care of themselves. This is something that Christians and non-Christians . Alternatives to "I'll keep them in my thoughts and my prayers" I noticed that the default response to when someone or they are in the hospital dying they say "Hope everything turns out okay. Benchmark Bouquets Flowres with Vase ($40.85), Luxury Trio of Aromatherapy Candles ($129.99), Premium Penguin Healthy Snacks Care Package ($23.95), Dr. Teal's Bubble Bath 68 oz Total ($25.00), Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy Sleep Lotion ($14.82). I did enjoy the alternative things offered. Like a hidden oasis I strongly believe that if one gets the emotional support they need after a loss, then the healing will be easier and the loss a bit less acute. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Or you might be non-religious yourself, but still want to express your gratitude, condolences, or get-well-soon wishes with a prayer. Until then, use it all to propel you forward. Or come mow their yard; or take away a load of dirty laundry and return it cleaned and folded the next day. You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text. I don't hate a lot of things, but cliches are definitely in the Top 5. Below are some prayers and poems for healing. I do not allow my head to ponder on that day as the pain is always laying in wait. He was such a thoughtful man, and I loved every minute I got to spend with him.. me and a coworker. Please lead me to . People rarely offer to pray for me, maybe they think it's opening a door to (church lady voice) SATAN. AWAKEN The World Through Enlightened Media, Copyright document.write(new Date().getFullYear());|Awaken, Posted on January 26, 2021 | Views: 2,847, Eating Your Way to Happiness - Ocean Robbins, Our Sacred Planet Mother Earth in all of its Amazing Beauty and the Quote of the Day 74, Conscious Evolution and the Integration of Science and Spirituality, Awaken Interviews Megan Larson Pt 2 - Maybe It's Nature Deficit Disorder, Catherine Ingram - Buddha At The Gas Pump Interview, Worlds Largest Battery Facility Expanded, Andrew Weil, M.D. But I remembered everyone who sent their condolences and the effort they made to show how much they were thinking of me. It will let them know that you are there for them and in it with them. Both of the following comments are rather insensitive to someone who has lost a child. Saying something like, "they're in a better place now" or "everything happens for a reason" can feel very hurtful to someone who is grieving. Exactly. Good choice of words. A simple act of kindness goes much further than just the lip service. And I especially did not want to hear how my loved ones were in a better place or that God loved them so much that he brought them home! These kind of platitudes made me insane. This excerpt from James Whitcomb Rileys prayer,Thanksgiving, is perfect as both a gratitude prayer or thank-you note. May the Peace of the Lord comfort you. Wierd I know, but in talking to other people who have lost someone close, theyve said the same thing. And it has a similar message. I heard the words, appreciated them, and knew people felt helpless to make things better. I really appreciate these thoughtful, meaningful expressions. There is one place where there is a typo. A nice bottle of wine or whiskey if thats more their thing is a really nice gift for someone who is grieving. If it were possible, there were a hundred people who wouldve gladly taken her place. But remembering those we care for with a card, a hug, a phone call is so important to express our care in the way we can is meaningful. Several years later, I lost both my step parents and my older brother whom I adored! Then, edit the prayer slightly to make it non-religious or more meaningful to you. May they never be disassociated from the supreme happiness which is without suffering. In fact, it might be exactly what they need. I encourage you to find a support group if you can. I think its just best to say what is in your heart and try to comfort that person as much as you can or are comfortable doing. You can even set up a memorial donation page and invite others to contribute too with a platform like, 22. "My thoughts are with you & your family" is ok. Even if you didnt know someone that well that has suffered a loss its still important to express your condolences. Dont ask if the bereaved person needs anything. It helps me. Im going to have my mom speak to someone today actually, to talk and listen to how shes emotionally doing without my Dad. So, if you have experienced a death (or more than one) that you need more than the average consolation to navigate, you will probably need something other than or in addition to griefshare. My father passed away two months ago, it was, and is a difficult period, losing a loved one, and adjusting our lives without them. Just be real. Sometimes a neutral, understanding, listening ear, is what we need to help us to move on, and to assist in channeling our grief in a way that our loved one that passed, would want us to. Help fellow humanists remove trash along I-35W. Instead, tell them what you are going to do for them, and then do it. You who say there is nothing to say when a child dies are so right. Youll likely recognize this famous funeral poem, which is popular at both religious and non-religious funerals. That is what they will appreciate and remember most. A simple hello, how are you, and asking them to share a special memory of their loved one can do so much to lighten their emotional load. Many people prefer non-faith-based rehab based on science, not faith. You havent even grieved the first loss before the next. Buddhism has its own, known as theMeal Gatha. Below is a secular version of that prayer: We receive this food in gratitude to all beings April 6, 2021. I cannot even imagine losing a child. She had only been married a year. It's a lovely sentiment that may well be true. Physical touch can be very healing and lets them know youre right there with them. -or clean it. Im sorry that happened to you. Pouring through the sunshine of your Titan frame One of the purposes of the book of Ecclesiastes is to proclaim this too is meaningless, used in such a way as to mean, It is impossible to figure this out. We are told the secret things belong to God. Meredith, your suggestions are exactly what my household does when someone we know has lost a loved one. Its easy to write a post but we often forget the heartache a family member or friend is going through from the loss of a loved one. Maybe one more avenue to help those who are suffering and broken-hearted. And the sun has set for me Thanks for indulging my rambling! I am sorry for their loss and offer appropriate assistance as I am able.I would never impose my thoughts upon griefstruck people and prEyer is an admission of incompetence and ignorance. Heres a list of several things you can say instead. communion. You dont have to believe in any particular God or spirit to pray. Any genuine expression of sympathy, love, and care will go a long way. That doesnt necessarily mean I wasnt being sincere. I had a lady do this for meit blew me away to know my boys affected others in a meaningful way. One of the most important things you can do when someone you love is grieving is to just be there for them. When it happens, I acknowledge they're wishing me wellor maybe they're trying to justify their own delusions and validate their mythology by converting me. Hearing the impact their loved one had on others can be a real gift. Awaken Interviews Anthony (Tony) Robbins Pt 2 - We Are Spiritual Beings! Reply to Dan. There are even non-religious prayers that are perfect for reciting at a funeral. You have yourself a unique non-religious prayer to use however youd like. When I see "my thoughts and prayers are with you" in the wake of a death or tragedy, it makes me gnash my teeth because I think it's just something people say, even when they're not thinking/praying. Tenaciously healing to fight once more. My neighbors took charge. Because I have loved life, Share. May s/he be peaceful and happy. 1. I understand some of these, however Ive lost both parents two brothers. You can physically feel them. May s/he have ease of well being (and accept all the conditions of the world) It may be too painful for them to hear about the sadness over and over. If you want to say it, try: "My thoughts are with you.". generalized educational content about wills. I know my daughter is close by me. I wish more people followed this instead of the usual insincere comments. What You Can Say Instead of Sending 'Thoughts and Prayers' When sending condolences to someone who is grieving, you'll want to make sure your message is appropriate, sensitive, kind, and caring. Charities that support children and animals are usually a safe bet. Let the mother know that you remember themshare a memoryits ok if its a Funny one. The backlash against "thoughts and prayers" has been met with its own backlash. Make extra so that they have a batch to freeze for nights when cooking feels too tough. They might need the time and privacy to just be alone and cry. Heres an excerpt, for example: I am thankful for my family, Christians generally value thoughts and prayers, the study found, but "this value is not universal," said Linda Thunstrm, an economist at the University of Wyoming."There are other people . This link will open in a new window. You could just say "my thoughts are with you"? From my own experience, its sometimes best not to say anything. Religion & Spirituality WE NEED AN ATHEIST EQUIVALENT TO THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS - After the Parkland shooting, conservative hypocrisy rendered the phrase "our thoughts and prayers are with you." to be meaningless but they're still going to use it for every terrible thing that happens regardless. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. Thoughts and prayers didn't exactly help there, did it?? But, I came to the conclusion that I needed to ponder a different way to express my condolences. But you might want to say something else. One day, you will kiss away your hurt gently, and with grace I think those individuals should just stay quiet. I just read your comment and wanted you to know how sorry I am to read about the loss of your daughter. Accept my sincere condolences. Donations to a favorite charity can be a very meaningful gift for a grieving family. of the patients' have non-specific complaints (12/30). May s/he be safe and protected. A good cry in a yummy-smelling bath is wonderful for the soul. I appreciate the idea of sending a card thinking of the loss of a loved one for different occasions, but I also think of sending when there is no reason but just because because you care about them.